The Uuuhs and Aaarghs of my life

Posts tagged ‘Men’

Listen to Her

If there’s one big piece of advice I can give as a woman to men who’re looking to grow healthy, long-term, and purposeful relationships… it has got to be, “Learn how to listen.”
This is a frustration that often comes up during conversations with quality women that I am so honoured to call my friends, mentors, and business partners.
While the world looks at these women as strong, perfect, successful, and independent. It doesn’t mean that they don’t have any room for love in their lives. Strong women need some good ol strong love too…
Sadly, they’ve witnessed men allowing themselves to fall victim to the classically emasculating picture of masculinity. The picture of a man working so hard to prove his worth to a woman who society considers too empowered.
Yes, you guessed right. It never lasts. Many men try their very best to flex the hyper-masculine muscles – money, control, mansplaining, appearance, dominating conversations, superman, holding back affection, and even triggering jealousy using other women.
Any woman who really knows her worth quite frankly just leaves. Women are natural favour. And it’s not worth witnessing a man break himself apart to appease a societal expectation. Even worse, to contribute to the mess.
Yet one of the best gifts a man could offer a woman is to actually just listen. It is simple yet so priceless.
Many men have been taught to be fixers, performers, and achievers. This is often useful in sports and business.
But when it comes to relationship building, the attitude has to change. It requires collaboration with critical skills like Communication, Empathy, Listening, and even Emotional Intelligence.
This is where “I” is replaced with “us.” A WE attitude.
I know it’s tough.
Especially after years of practice in societies where women aren’t expected to speak up, share their thoughts, or even have anything meaningful to say.
But it can be done.
When a woman wants to talk, stop for a moment, and just simply listen.
In that moment:
She doesn’t want any fixing.
She doesn’t want money.
She doesn’t want superman.
She doesn’t want to argue.
She doesn’t want your opinion.
Maybe. Just maybe, she needs you to love her best in that moment by intentionally listening.
Only then will you know what to do with what she shares with you.
Why is this important?
Because sometimes when a woman is speaking, the very essence of her heart is speaking. She is giving you a key not many get to access. She is showing up in her feminine spirit.
She is connecting you to her most authentic self.
Honour the moment.
Listen to her.
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Parents, Please Teach your Sons How to Cook

Cooking is not a gender role but a life skill!

Over the past 3 months I’ve had the opportunity to share the same house with different people who’re travelling in and out of the country. As a long-term Airbnb resident, I get the joy of interacting with different people and learning from their stories. Yay! 🙂 

However, one of the observations I’ve made is how oftentimes male housemates struggle with food and nutrition. 
For example: 

There’s a Kenyan guy who depended on Festive bread and tea for every meal. And occasionally he’d buy pizza from Pizza Inn. FOR A WHOLE MONTH!!!
There’s also an African-American guy who actually asked me to help him make a cup of coffee. COFFEE!!!
There’s a Ugandan guy who always waited for his girlfriend to prepare his food so that he could eat. EVEN AT MIDNIGHT!!! 
Friends, this is the danger of gender roles!

It robs a human being of their capacity to be self reliant. And one can’t surely depend on another for their own food and nutrition. It’s dangerous and anaemic.
However, not all of the guys have been like that.

My good friends, 2 Japanese guys, often used to cook really well and we’d even exchange recipes and ingredients. They even gifted me with a little coffee maker when they left. ❤
My new Kenyan-Tanzanian housemate who upon arrival dropped his bags and went to buy food. He’s staying with his son and is already preparing some food for both of them, along with a serving of good whisky.
And an Indian guy who was often in the kitchen, preparing meals for his wife and himself. His wife barely entered the kitchen for she was unwell. And I saw that he really loved preparing food for her. I’m sure his acts of intimacy rewarded him in the end 😉 

Ladies, you know what I mean? When someone takes their time first. God bless such men, we need and value them!
So let’s kick out this nonsense of gender roles and see each other through the God-given lens of purpose roles. If you see the world that way, suddenly you see the magic of being human. 
We can really do anything.

Anything!!!

All isn’t All

All is not All
Oh, how heavy the load of our longings when we make them the responsibility of One.

Oh, how heavy the load of our hope when we make it the responsibility of One.

Oh, how heavy the load of our dreams when we make them the responsibility of One.

Oh, how heavy the load of our deepest of trust when we make it the responsibility of One.

Oh, how heavy the load of our purest of love when we make it the responsibility of One.

One that isn’t ourselves.

One that isn’t God.

One that just can’t make us whole.

One that genuinely can’t be strong enough to carry it all, even if they truly care.

One who deceives us that All they’ve got it All.

All is not All.

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