The Uuuhs and Aaarghs of my life

Posts tagged ‘Marriage’

A Widow’s Wish

A Widow's Wish

A Widow’s Wish

Today, I thought about my dear Grandma Jenny and what life has been like as a widow for most of her adult life. She never remarried and at times I find her in the living room holding on to an old photo of my late grandfather.

Sometimes I wonder what crosses her mind when she thinks about her beloved. I wrote this reflection inspired by her and with a touch of foresight on my part:

I wish to grow old with my friend.
I wish to enjoy him still seeing me as the pretty young girl he saw when he first met me.
Oh! How I wish to dance with him every Sunday evening in our old house, dusted with sweet memories.
I wish to hold on to his old hands and still feel safe.
I wish to listen to his heartbeat and find home.
I wish to kiss him, burry myself in his embrace, close my eyes and enjoy his scent.
I wish to stare into his old eyes and know for sure that with him, I would do it all over again.

I wish to grow old with my friend, 
Father of my children, 
Home of my heart,
One whose love will forever echo even in my old heart.

~ For Grandma Jenny.

Smile for You

image

Life does not always give us a reason to smile but I always remind myself that happiness is a choice.
Life is not about us, life is up to us.

Not only does smiling slow down the heart and reduce stress, but we actually do look better and friendlier when we smile.

Smiling can add a little yellow to a grey day. We just have to be hopeful enough to notice and grab onto opportunities of happiness in our goings on.

So today, from my heart to yours, this is a smile for you in the form of a blessing:

May dear Christ Jesus bless you and keep you,
May He make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you,
May He turn His face towards you and give you peace.

Amen.

We are alive today because dear God isn’t finished with us yet.
^_^

Gagging Death with Second Chances

Amy was tired. She was tired of a marriage gone wrong. The pain crept through her nerves; from her curled toes to the hot coffee mug trapped between her hands. She sat in silence at the dinner table. The ticking clock on the wall echoed further into the living room. The fearful tapping of her finger onto the mug came to a stop when the minute hand hit midnight. She broke into tears which streamed down her face and into the mug.

Richard had for the third time slept out during their wedding anniversary. For the third time, Amy thought, her husband chose his mistress over her during their special day. He had tried to hide the affair for three years but she knew it from the first day he came home with a mask on his face. A mask of a man she knew not; a man who knew how to tell a lie straight to her face. And so she put her mug in the kitchen sink, turned off the lights and headed to bed.

Suddenly, she woke up to a struggle for breath as a masked man gagged her mouth as his partner tied up her arms and legs. The man placed a cloth over her nose and the next thing she felt was the cold burn of a metallic chair. Amy had been kidnapped. Blindfolded, she struggled to free her arms and legs but all her efforts were in vain. She panted and puffed some more until all she could do was cry.

Neither of the two men spoke to her. They just kept walking round the room which scared her even more. But as soon as they removed the muffle over her mouth she cried, “Please let me go! Please let me go!” All she heard in return was silence. The two men never said a thing. Hopelessness started sinking in as soon as it hit her that the only person who would notice that she was missing was her husband. The thought of Richard in the arms of his mistress at such a time made her feel even closer to death. She had been dying slowly for the last three years.

The day she wanted to tell Richard that she had cervical cancer was the day he came home with a mask on his face and a hint of cheap perfume on his shirt. She was dying alone for three years. She thought about the many times she had tried to get pregnant. How it pained her when her family members pressured her. How it made her feel less of a woman that she was not able to give Richard a child. Perhaps that is what made him start an affair, she thought. Slowly, her marriage had suffered another type of cancer that ate into their love.

Suddenly, Amy gave in to the worst; death. Her loud cried for freedom turned into death wishes. She knew not who the two men were, but she told them to get on with it and just kill her.

“I’ve got nothing else to lose so just kill me.”

“I have been dying from cancer for the last three years.”

“My husband has for the last three years spent our wedding anniversary in the arms of his mistress.”

“I am infertile and cannot do the one thing a woman is supposed to do.”

“Just kill me now and kill me quick.”

Suddenly, one man took off the blindfolds and freed her arms and legs. Kneeling right before her in a room full of friends and family members was Richard. His idea of a wedding anniversary surprise for Amy had taken a different turn. He was crying and the look on his face was that of a broken soul. One lady rushed across the room in tears and left the house. Everyone else had a mix of grief, anger, fear and shock painted over their faces.

“Please forgive me Amy… Please forgive me!” Richard wept in the silence that had filled the room. The look on Amy’s face was that of shock and frustration. She had emotionally and physically signed a death wish; she was ready to die. Looking at the room full of people made her feel as if she were looking at a certain chapter of her past that she had long forgotten. She zoned back in and Richard had stopped crying. He stood up, walked towards her and went on his knees before her. He held onto her hands and noticed how pale and skinny they had become. She was shaking as if she had seen a ghost. A ghost indeed! The mask on Richard’s face was gone and he looked at her with the innocence he had in his eyes the day he asked her to be his wife. He said:

“I broke my promise to love and protect you.”

“I broke my promise to be faithful to you.”

“I broke my promise to stand by you for better or for worse.”

“This is the worse and before you is a man full of broken promises.”

“I won’t stop you if you choose to leave me. But if there is some little hope in you that I can be a better man, I am begging you to give me a second chance.”

Amy pulled away her hands and cried. She was not sure about what was happening. She was not sure that she could trust again, not Richard. The other people in the room had already disappeared from their thoughts; the focus was only on the two.

“Just one more chance Amy… Just one more chance,” Richard pleaded. Then Amy wiped away her tears and held his hands. “I guess two years are enough for a second chance,” Amy said with a soft smile warming up her face. Richard rose from his knees in astonishment and kissed her as he did on their wedding day.

Suddenly, cheerfulness from family and friends coated and helped them sail away into a perfect second chance.

True love thrives in forgiveness and truth, enough to selflessly give way to second chances even with two more years left to live.

Yours truly,

Ayuma.

Old Love at the Airport

Today, I saw an old couple board a plane together and it almost brought me to tears in public. Why my emotions again? Let’s call them Bill and Kate.

Well, Kate had a shaky walk but Bill held her hand and walked with her patiently towards the plane till they reached the stairway. This is when it got too emotional for me.
Kate insisted to climb up the stairs on her own and so Bill did not stop her. Instead, he offered to carry all her bags so that she can focus on climbing up the staircase. Bill is old and the bags were obviously too heavy for him to carry but he still let his lady take up the challenge and walk up the stairs. Luckily, the gent who stood before me me was moved and he offered his strong shoulders to carry their bags.

It was clearly a time-sensitive moment since many other passengers were waiting to board the plane and it was drizzling, but Bill dared to watch his lady take up the challenge.

Kate struggled to raise her leg and I could even see the many spots on her legs due to old age. Step by step, she walked up the stairs with Bill by her side she made it to the top where they exchanged the most amazing and loving smiles.

I remembered that I had seen them at the waiting lounge at the airport where Bill sat on an opposite row of chairs as he watched over Kate. As she read her book, it seemed that she was totally oblivious that Bill was always watching her. Even as she walked towards a donation box for a children’s home, Bill turned to watch where she was going then continued to read his book when she got back.

As I walked towards my seat on the plane, I passed by their seat and witnessed the vibrant love in their eyes even in their old age. Bill really inspired me to know that a real man who loves a woman is like the hero who knows no season but a lifetime. Kate taught me that despite age and circumstances, there is always an opportunity to challenge one another so as to bring out the best in life partners.

I love old people and all the beautiful lessons I get to learn from them. Wherever Bill and Kate are, they might have literally been in their own world during the entire experience but their love taught me lots today. I may not know much about marriage or experiencing true love, but I am so glad to have met Bill and Kate today.

I hope this inspires you as well. Have a great day and weekend ahead good people!
 

With Love,

Ayuma.

The Pain that Heals

Image

Ever heard someone share a personal story that you totally identified with and learned from?

Today, I asked myself about the confidence it must take for such people to open their hearts in public about a painful moment in their lives – for the sake of empowering others.

Furthermore, I asked myself what would happen to me if these people suddenly stopped reaching out to me though their personal stories. How then would I get practical lessons on how to face life?

A friend recently enlightened me when she said that to be a true mentor and touch lives I must be prepared to be vulnerable. This type of vulnerability is not about being emotional or mushy. It deals with deliberately sharing your life stories – truths, hurts, victories, challenging lessons – with people so that they may identify with you as a real human being and learn from what you did wrong or what you did right.

Many of us have gone through hills and valleys in the journey of life. But why is it always easier to share about the good things? Is it because they paint us better, is it easier, is it less damaging to our reputations?

Why is it that we cannot share about the very same things we need help with?

 Image

Her Heart to Yours

Emma* who is a mother of three went through a bad marriage for 10years. After a lovely Sunday afternoon spent with her kids in church and at the pizza place, she would go home to a mouthful of mockery from her drunken husband. He would call her a whore and that going to church would not help her cover up her filthy acts. He had been unfaithful to her and had slowly started shifting the guilt towards her which triggered obsession. But this only became worse with time when her husband beat up their children suspecting that they might have not been his. The little one who was only 7-years-old was hit so hard that he lost consciousness. Emma spent the night in hospital waiting for her son to recover. This is when she picked us her phone and made the call she had always avoided for years. She called up her mother who had always had her suspicion about James from the day she met him. Her mother had always tried calling her even after her rushed wedding but she never answered. She was filled with guilt having realised that her mother had been right about James after all. Her mother promised to be at the hospital by morning. Emma prayed all night until her mother arrived. Emma was able to rescue her children from an abusive father and from the dangers of an abusive and broken marriage. Now, a happily married mother of four Emma realises that if she did not take that bold step to leave her husband, she would be in double jeopardy since her ex-husband was found dead in his house after refusing to resolve an outstanding bill at a local pub. During her trying times, she remembered feeling helpless even at church because everyone else seemed so perfect. No ladies talked about their challenging times; just how happy they are and how their children are doing well. Emma now purposes to talk to young ladies who are thinking about marriage and those who are newly wedded. She opens her home to them so that they can share their challenges and successes. She has learnt that the best way to touch people’s lives is by sharing the hurts and challenges and the lessons she learned from it all. Because of this, many ladies who had faced and overcome marital wars started opening up about the challenges faced in marriages even with young ladies who had often been misled by media and other women about the real face of marriage.

*Emma is not a real name.

Image

This may seem like just another story about a woman who faced a tough time and is now living a better life. But just think about it, how many people don’t get to see the other side and heal? How many have that one person they can call up and help them though a rough patch in life?

One thing I have come to learn from my interactions with relatives, friends, neighbours and total strangers is that there are so many hurt people in this world. There is so much of it that people prefer to think that they are facing their own unique type of hurt. The truth of the matter is that hurt is hurt – it steals, it kills and it destroys when we don’t learn from it and get stuck in it.

But finding that one ray of hope to see and even pursue the life beyond hurt is what makes us a unique creation as the human race. It all starts with a step, and it begins with you.

How can you make yourself more available to receive help or to help another person?

How willing are you to learn from other people’s experiences?

How willing are you to share, teach and train people having achieved a handy experience?

What are you waiting for? Go right ahead and do it!

Image

The human race does not break because of what we give (or don’t give) materially but because of what we say (or not say), what we show (or not show) or what we learn and not share.

Open your heart and share a pain that heals and empowers lives. It was and has never been in vain!

 

Yours Truly,

Ayuma.

 

African Fashion Rocks!!!

WELCOME TO LA MAR

There’s a wild animal in each one of us!

We live in this modern jungle called Nairobi where the survival for the sleekest is the rule of game.

La Mar - Splash of Colour

La Mar – Splash of Colour

LA MAR celebrates two official years of online shopping for authentic fashion accessories which are all custom-made!

La Mar Designs - Photography by Ben Kiruthi

We believe in the beauty of bringing out the best features of each animal in us with a dash of African flair: the rockers, the rooted African, the nostalgic retroman , sporty dudes & dudettes, the dynamic artist, the boardroom giant, you name it, we’ve got somemething for everyone!

La Mar - Mosaic of a Woman Dance

La Mar – Mosaic of a Woman Dance

There is a wide range of accessories to meet your fancy!

La Mar - Mosaic of a Woman Professional

La Mar – Mosaic of a Woman Professional

Men’s fashion, Women’s fashion, Kids’ fashion and even Home and Office accessories.

La Mar - Men's Fashion

La Mar – Men’s Fashion

La Mar - Fabulosity

La Mar – Fabulosity

La Mar - Kids' Collection

La Mar – Kids’ Collection

La Mar - Office and Home Wall Piece

La Mar – Office and Home Wall Piece

Our team is driven by a pure mix of creativity, fun and an adventurous smashing of rules to come up with fantastic pieces that leave each wearer of our designs feeling absolutely fabulous.

Faces of La Mar

Faces of La Mar

Having started from simple beginnings, LA MAR has now grown into a dynamic online shop through the LA MAR Facebook Page with thousands of fans from across the urban jungle. Like our page NOW and indulge in our rich serving of glamour!

La Mar - Standing Out

La Mar – Standing Out

It is said that a picture speaks a thousand words. So let La Mar blow your mind away with the thousands-of-words captured in the gallery below from the LA MAR Gallery.

Enjoy!

LA MAR PAIRINGS

La Mar - Fun Times Piece

La Mar – Fun Times Piece

La Mar - Safari Pairing

La Mar – Safari Pairing

La Mar - Date Night Pairing

La Mar – Date Night Pairing

La Mar - Afrique Pairing

La Mar – Afrique Pairing

LA MAR RINGS

La Mar - Ring Collection

La Mar – Ring Collection

La Mar - Rings

La Mar – Rings

LA MAR LONG NECK PIECES

La Mar - Funky Neck Piece

La Mar – Funky Neck Piece

La Mar - Men's Neck Piece

La Mar – Men’s Neck Piece

La Mar - Funky Fun Neck Piece

La Mar – Funky Fun Neck Piece

LA MAR EAR PIECES

La Mar - Button Ear Piece

La Mar – Button Ear Piece

La Mar - Ear Piece Fun

La Mar – Ear Piece Fun

La Mar - Ear Piece

La Mar – Ear Piece

LA MAR WRIST PIECES

La Mar - Charm Wrist Piece

La Mar – Charm Wrist Piece

La Mar - Wrist Mix

La Mar – Wrist Mix

La Mar - Men's Cuff Piece

La Mar – Men’s Cuff Piece

LA MAR ANTIQUE PIECES

La Mar - Brass Neck Piece

La Mar – Brass Neck Piece

La Mar - Bold Antique Neck Piece

La Mar – Bold Antique Neck Piece

La Mar - Aluminium Neck Piece

La Mar – Aluminium Neck Piece

La Mar - Antique Neck Piece

La Mar – Antique Neck Piece

LA MAR BROOCHE

La Mar - Brooche Piece

La Mar – Brooche Piece

LA MAR BAGS

La Mar - Fuschia Clutch Bag

La Mar – Fuschia Clutch Bag

La Mar - Clutch Bag

La Mar – Clutch Bag

LA MAR GIFT CARD

La Mar - Gift Card

La Mar – Gift Card

More from the LA MAR Gallery:

La Mar Beginnings

La Mar Spring 2013 Men’s Collection

La Mar Spring 2013 Women’s Collection

La Mar Fall 2012 Collection

La Mar Kid’s Collection

La Mar Home and Office Collection

La Mar Weddings

La Mar Bag Collection

La Mar Mosaic of a Woman Photoshoot

Out of the Shadows Fashion Catwalk featuring La Mar designs

Do you like what LA MAR has got for you?

Place your order NOW and get a free delivery within Nairobi!!!

Contact us on +254 787 148 198

We do welcome your feedback.

Keep it LA MAR!

🙂

La Mar - Logo

La Mar – Logo

Yours Truly,

Ayuma.

City in the Sin!

The October 2012 Special Post: City in the Sin! By Michelle Ayuma

The city lights of Nairobi brighten by the day as the souls of Hes and Shes darken by the shade,

Pubs and strip clubs now host people as many as homes used to during the almost ancient tradition of family get-togethers,

The only time that seems reasonable to meet with kinsmen – Funerals! As dust is cast into a deep pit of a soul soon to be forgotten the moment hustles hit Monday morning. [Work]

Forgotten dreams and life passions lead to industries full of zombies programmed to produce something in exchange of money. “Who cares about passion any more? Just work like a donkey and live like a king!” [They say]

And as dusk awakens, city lights take over the sun of day as sex, money and drugs rule the streets of the “City in the Sun.”

Wives forced to restrain passion for their husbands as they bury themselves with house chores and nursing their children,

As their husbands chase their secret fantasies to be with a pretty little thing the age of their own offspring,

Other females – broken and seeking revenge – prey on lonely men by the bar thirsting for affection,

They’re wrapped in hot chains of lust and seek temporary soothing in some soft skin, sweet nothings whispered into their vulnerable ears and inviting some entrapping lingerie.

Such a priced commodity sex has become that it has claimed space by the supermarket tills, right above some tasty saccharine,

This sex candy [condoms & sex toys] satisfy all kinds of wild sexual needs! [They suggest]

And so little Lucy asks her mother at the supermarket what sex means after picking a packet of condoms,

“It’s something you share with a man when it feels right,” says mother and the topic is never to be repeated not unless in school – leave all that work to the teachers! [Teachers left to unlock facts about sex?]

Little Lucy finally “understands” why her teacher back at school treated her differently. He even touched her differently and mummy never gave her a chance to explain what she was feeling inside.

“Perhaps he thinks I’m special!” [She thinks]

Mummy’s words kept echoing in her mind, “It’s something you share with a man when it feels right.”

And so she gives in to her senseless and inexplicable emotions and she lets him in,

But she bleeds to her heel as her green body wasn’t “woman” enough to handle the impact of an adult male on heat.

And as she rests in her hospital bed, numb and confused, mummy’s words slowly fade away as the late nurse exists her dark room into the bright corridors.

This is the painting of life within the Sin City:

Dark smoked clouds and a dusted dome with a little ecstasy. Twinkling shots from a gun and a naked moon that lights the path of every thug-infested street corner. Lonely streets carpeted with dirty money and a spell of golden liquor-ish showers in the night.

The city lights of Nairobi brighten by the day as the souls of Hes and Shes darken by the shade.

May the Good Lord save this city!

 

Yours Truly,

Ayuma.

Tag Cloud