The Uuuhs and Aaarghs of my life

Archive for the ‘Single life’ Category

Women, we’ve always got options.


So there I was, standing at a reception table at a golf club helping prominent golfers lock down their tee time.

A powerful man walked by, reserved his tee time but didn’t leave. He stood there looking at me, and as soon as our eyes met, I knew exactly what he wanted.


He held my hand, suggesting that I should not leave but accompany him.

Even as an ordinary girl, I knew I already had this powerful man with just one look.

Of course I had major financial challenges, and knew he could easily sort that out in a flash.

I got to understand the high pressure in such a circumstance.

And I can never judge those who don’t have the strength to think morally.

Because around us were rich folk who knew the power of their pockets – morals aside.


I chose to decline and respectfully asked for my hand back.

I chose to push through with what I decently earned every day, even with hole in my favorite pair of flat shoes.

I chose to preserve a part of me that money can’t buy.

I chose to protect my inner power as a woman – influence – which only gets richer with time and tested character.


Woman, you’ve always got options around you. 

And I won’t judge you if along the way you let your crown slide off.

But here and now, you can make daily choices that shape your future.

Your future is not in yesterday or tomorrow, but within you.

God installed it within you, and you were born with it inside you.

As you move forward, choose wisely in a way that feeds your influence.

Remember, your purpose is your wealth in life. 

Live it to the fullest, and guard it jealously.


You are phenomenal, and I’m passing by to say that you are totally worth it. ❤ 


Love & Sunshine,

Ayuma.

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Open Journal: Singlehood is a Platform for Growth

Let me begin by saying that if you’re a people-person like myself, please don’t travel to the Kenyan coast alone. 

If you’re a solitary being like my big sister Susan, you just might enjoy it alone as long as you find a great and private place way out of town like African House Resort where we stayed in Malindi (http://www.booking.com/Share-2KvXT8

Because…

First of all, people approached my friend saying how, “It’s wrong for women to travel like this alone.” And by “like-this” the bloke meant financially independent. He enthused that we should ALLOW men to take us to such nice places. I shan’t even comment. Abeg!

Secondly, it’s like these hotels only cater for couples. You can easily get overwhelmed. Those swan towel things on the bed with love-heart flowers. Mood music by Lionel Richie, Celine Dion, Whitney Houston… those deep emotional ones that drain your soul.

And not to forget how the other guests are mostly couples. 

And then on the only novel you’ve carried to read, the next chapter is about romance… Yes, even those Christian ones about the story of Queen Esther, and the classical Ruth and Boaz. 

Please, don’t do that to yourself.
You might end up doing something STUPID like contacting that Ex who’s just waiting for an excuse to crawl back into your life.

Don’t do it woman!

But that was me last time I travelled alone to the coast on a work assignment as a travel magazine writer.

Now I’m wiser.

Planned this year to travel with a friend and we totally had so much fun as single, financially able, and God-fearing women. 

And we influenced our experience so much that the hotel manager (whom we now call Uncle John) literally called us yesterday to say that the hotel staff miss us so much because we were like their flowers. 

My heart was full!!! 🙂 
But here’s the juice.

So my friend and I kept talking about the frolics we experienced in our businesses this year as we swam in the Africa-shaped pool.

We kept planning our laps saying, “Let’s swim from Egypt to South Africa” 

Ha! So much fun.

And little did we know that nearby was a room for a well-respected Kenyan lawyer who’d been attending a conference by the Law Society of Kenya. 

When we finally met each other, she commented on our conversations saying they were so refreshing and that she can relate since we’re right where she was back in her 30s. #CareerGoals
Meanwhile, this whole time they’d been a 30-something year old European guy also swimming in the pool, but in the North Africa side. He’d smile every time we talked, but he literally said not a word.

His parents had been drinking tea or “something strong” nearby at their room patio.

Maybe he was afraid of engaging in a black-woman-circle conversation in front of his parents? 

Hmmm… Interracial connections can be tough though.

And so he kept doing this every day, swimming only when we decided to swim. But neither of us were going to make it easy for him by saying hello first.
But an opportunity presented itself.

As the lawyer and my friend talked, I completely forgot the guy was in the pool and started doing a backstroke to Egypt. But as soon as the ladies saw me, they warned me to stop because I was going to crash into him. 

My friend later on laughed saying that he’d been standing there with a smile on his face just waiting for me to crash into him. 

Maybe it was his chance to finally talk to us in front of his parents with a reason?

Hmmm… we’ll never know.
And still, he kept swimming, smiling, and timing us, but just never gathered the courage to start a genuine conversation with beautiful bold black women just a swim away.
Then came the moment I later went on Instagram to share a photo journal of my trip. 

And the strange private messages from guys came along, “Hae” “But why are you still single?” “Hi” 

And I looked up into the heavens with my hands stretched high and said, “Fix it Jesus!” 

Because I literally can’t entertain empty, demeaning, and shallow conversations like these. 
And I just wondered, Where Are The Gentlemen? 

Those who can gather the courage to respectfully approach women despite what family, social, racial, cultural and religious norms say.

Those who can engage women in deep, meaningful, challenging conversations with growth and not sex being the objective.

Those who can say, “Hello” followed by words that speak life into a woman, not waste her time.
I know Jesus is snapping His fingers to this and will sort me out accordingly.

Jesus is fixing it y’all!
To fellow single women out there, remember to use your singlehood as a platform for growth. Mostly, the kind of growth that helps you learn about yourself and invest in yourself; What do you REALLY want and need out of this life?

Challenge yourself to go out there and get it unapologetically, without settling for less.
#Remember: Talk is always cheap. Watch out for consistent actions, those don’t lie. And I say this after learning from my own share of expensive mistakes that robbed me of my time, investment, confidence, love, and grace as a woman.
The joy of singlehood is the Time to learn, grow, and commit to your standards.

And what better standards than God’s best for you?

You are worth it woman!
Love & Sunshine,

Ayuma.

All isn’t All

All is not All
Oh, how heavy the load of our longings when we make them the responsibility of One.

Oh, how heavy the load of our hope when we make it the responsibility of One.

Oh, how heavy the load of our dreams when we make them the responsibility of One.

Oh, how heavy the load of our deepest of trust when we make it the responsibility of One.

Oh, how heavy the load of our purest of love when we make it the responsibility of One.

One that isn’t ourselves.

One that isn’t God.

One that just can’t make us whole.

One that genuinely can’t be strong enough to carry it all, even if they truly care.

One who deceives us that All they’ve got it All.

All is not All.

Goodbye Seattle


Night’s at bay, and I can hear the moon calling.

As I look outside the cafe window, sipping my coffee.

I wait, looking at the reflection of my yellow dress.


I long for an awakening – a purple moon, a train of shooting stars, and perhaps… a sun popping out of a box of gravity.


But as the evening moon rises, I realise it’s too late.

Your spectacle is over, and I showed up shy of a coffee with you.

I stand up and look back,

All along, I realise, I’d been trapped on the inside, as you danced outside with the one dressed in a green dress.


It’s strange, 

How your towering space needle once marvelled me.

Now, it grieves me to see your silhouette skyline.

A horizon I knew I could never reach.

A moment I never lived out.


I wish, for a moment,

You stopped the rhythm, broke the window and called me to join you in dance.


But the evening moon is calling,

Louder and louder.

And I’ve answered.


Goodbye Seattle.

The beautiful city that was never mine.

Superwoman


You won even before I began.

You had his heart even before I could try.

You will always be that pillar on mount Athens, and I a shadow in a valley where only his fears dwell.

You’ve shown me dust, and I now eat it for diner.

I was a simple human girl asking him to love me, but you were busy saving the universe with him.

While you save the world from evil, I can only water a garden of thirsty flowers.

Our names are somehow similar, but yours comes with a superpower too.

While you conquer his heart, I can only wish he’d think of me.

While you kiss his lips, I can only imagine it’s taste.

While you enjoys his visits to your universe, I can only gaze at your stardust.

I offered him a lot of world in my simple heart, but he chose to suffer kryptonite with you.

You’ve shown me dust, and I eat it for diner.

You’ve won, superwoman.

Lesson: From the Elderly to the Young

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I’ve got an elderly friend called *Emma whom I met on a social media group for old expatriates who grew up in Kenya.
I had joined the group years ago for research purposes for my old job as a writer, but I grew fond of the new friends. 

Recently, Emma shared just how tough the last 10months have been as she grieved over her beloved husband *Sam. She had attended a wedding where she suddenly broke into tears just to realise how much she missed Sam. She wanted him there so bad. She admits that never has she felt so alone in her life without Sam.

Emma’s words move me to tears and make me reflect over my life. At the moment, my peers are sharing about having great jobs, happily engaged or married, getting babies…etc. At some point we’ll all face new phases of life. Invitations will start ranging from kids’ graduations, kids’ weddings,  friends’ funerals, parents’ funerals.
Then pension days kick in, we become grandparents, and then like Emma and Sam, life’s toughest goodbyes are said to the beloved.

Makes me wonder what we young people complain about or why we struggle so much to prove ourselves to other people and society.

As I read the replies by other elderly friends who’ve gone through such grief, I began to see just how life is richer when lived simple – in love.

In their golden years my old mates’ chats, memories, activities and even seasons of grief are painted by those they vowed to spend the rest of their lives with.

Death seems less scary than no longer experiencing the love of their beloveds. No longer feeling the warmth of their skin. No longer here.

My dear friends who are now like my libraries of wisdom have taught me this:

When life’s sunset draws near, all your money, power and other  achievements mean nothing.
All that matters is having found home, at last, in the heart of s/he who really loves you.

Hope this message inspires you!
^_^

Courage

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I can confidently say that I am not the same woman I was two months ago.
Why so?

Well… fear checked in big-time! I woke up one day and imagined myself as a 50-year-old woman. Judging from the attitude I had in life I predicted the kind of situation I would be in. Let’s just say that it didn’t look good at all. It was pitiful to picture myself as the woman I had imagined.

Snapping back to reality was the best feeling ever! I realised just how much I could still do to end up at a better place than I had seen myself in. There was suddenly an opportunity to work on my attitude and realise that the change begins with me and in my mind.

The best thing is that suddenly I don’t fear much in life as I used to. The greatest lesson I’ve learnt is that instead of focusing on fear of the uncertain future, it is much better to focus on the possibility of great things that lie ahead in my life.

So be kind to yourself. Don’t leave any room for fear, open wide your life to the possibilities of a positive future.

Courage is a state mind!

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