The Uuuhs and Aaarghs of my life

Too Woman to Love?


As I write this, my heart is broken.

Broken for I’ve recently recovered from a season where my heart was broken.

Broken as I now to witness yet another good woman’s heart break.

Break with grief after her beloved and family suddenly woke up blind to call her a “bad mother.”

Bad mother? What does that even mean? 

Mean to a woman who carried this child in her womb for 9 months. 

Months of pain, uncertainty, sacrifice, love and hope.

Hope that her baby would be welcomed into a safe haven of love.

Love that has now turned bitter, selfish and cold.

Cold as the prison cell she had to live in, 2 weeks away from her baby.

Her baby who’s now kept away from her embrace.

Embrace that she’s now fighting for in court.

Court that seems to traditionally see her on the losing side.

Side that’s not black, immigrant, nor minority.

Minority because her legal fees are out of this world.

World that would let a mother with a grieving womb fight for the baby she grew in it. 

It is unacceptable.

Unacceptable, yet here we are.

Are you willing to help get back her baby by holding her hand? 

Her hand that desperately longs to hold her baby again.

Again, are you willing?
Donate now to her GoFundMe campaign!

Link: https://www.gofundme.com/help-me-get-ami-back

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Cooking is not a gender role but a life skill!

Over the past 3 months I’ve had the opportunity to share the same house with different people who’re travelling in and out of the country. As a long-term Airbnb resident, I get the joy of interacting with different people and learning from their stories. Yay! 🙂 

However, one of the observations I’ve made is how oftentimes male housemates struggle with food and nutrition. 
For example: 

There’s a Kenyan guy who depended on Festive bread and tea for every meal. And occasionally he’d buy pizza from Pizza Inn. FOR A WHOLE MONTH!!!
There’s also an African-American guy who actually asked me to help him make a cup of coffee. COFFEE!!!
There’s a Ugandan guy who always waited for his girlfriend to prepare his food so that he could eat. EVEN AT MIDNIGHT!!! 
Friends, this is the danger of gender roles!

It robs a human being of their capacity to be self reliant. And one can’t surely depend on another for their own food and nutrition. It’s dangerous and anaemic.
However, not all of the guys have been like that.

My good friends, 2 Japanese guys, often used to cook really well and we’d even exchange recipes and ingredients. They even gifted me with a little coffee maker when they left. ❤
My new Kenyan-Tanzanian housemate who upon arrival dropped his bags and went to buy food. He’s staying with his son and is already preparing some food for both of them, along with a serving of good whisky.
And an Indian guy who was often in the kitchen, preparing meals for his wife and himself. His wife barely entered the kitchen for she was unwell. And I saw that he really loved preparing food for her. I’m sure his acts of intimacy rewarded him in the end 😉 

Ladies, you know what I mean? When someone takes their time first. God bless such men, we need and value them!
So let’s kick out this nonsense of gender roles and see each other through the God-given lens of purpose roles. If you see the world that way, suddenly you see the magic of being human. 
We can really do anything.

Anything!!!


So there I was, standing at a reception table at a golf club helping prominent golfers lock down their tee time.

A powerful man walked by, reserved his tee time but didn’t leave. He stood there looking at me, and as soon as our eyes met, I knew exactly what he wanted.


He held my hand, suggesting that I should not leave but accompany him.

Even as an ordinary girl, I knew I already had this powerful man with just one look.

Of course I had major financial challenges, and knew he could easily sort that out in a flash.

I got to understand the high pressure in such a circumstance.

And I can never judge those who don’t have the strength to think morally.

Because around us were rich folk who knew the power of their pockets – morals aside.


I chose to decline and respectfully asked for my hand back.

I chose to push through with what I decently earned every day, even with hole in my favorite pair of flat shoes.

I chose to preserve a part of me that money can’t buy.

I chose to protect my inner power as a woman – influence – which only gets richer with time and tested character.


Woman, you’ve always got options around you. 

And I won’t judge you if along the way you let your crown slide off.

But here and now, you can make daily choices that shape your future.

Your future is not in yesterday or tomorrow, but within you.

God installed it within you, and you were born with it inside you.

As you move forward, choose wisely in a way that feeds your influence.

Remember, your purpose is your wealth in life. 

Live it to the fullest, and guard it jealously.


You are phenomenal, and I’m passing by to say that you are totally worth it. ❤ 


Love & Sunshine,

Ayuma.

Let me begin by saying that if you’re a people-person like myself, please don’t travel to the Kenyan coast alone. 

If you’re a solitary being like my big sister Susan, you just might enjoy it alone as long as you find a great and private place way out of town like African House Resort where we stayed in Malindi (http://www.booking.com/Share-2KvXT8

Because…

First of all, people approached my friend saying how, “It’s wrong for women to travel like this alone.” And by “like-this” the bloke meant financially independent. He enthused that we should ALLOW men to take us to such nice places. I shan’t even comment. Abeg!

Secondly, it’s like these hotels only cater for couples. You can easily get overwhelmed. Those swan towel things on the bed with love-heart flowers. Mood music by Lionel Richie, Celine Dion, Whitney Houston… those deep emotional ones that drain your soul.

And not to forget how the other guests are mostly couples. 

And then on the only novel you’ve carried to read, the next chapter is about romance… Yes, even those Christian ones about the story of Queen Esther, and the classical Ruth and Boaz. 

Please, don’t do that to yourself.
You might end up doing something STUPID like contacting that Ex who’s just waiting for an excuse to crawl back into your life.

Don’t do it woman!

But that was me last time I travelled alone to the coast on a work assignment as a travel magazine writer.

Now I’m wiser.

Planned this year to travel with a friend and we totally had so much fun as single, financially able, and God-fearing women. 

And we influenced our experience so much that the hotel manager (whom we now call Uncle John) literally called us yesterday to say that the hotel staff miss us so much because we were like their flowers. 

My heart was full!!! 🙂 
But here’s the juice.

So my friend and I kept talking about the frolics we experienced in our businesses this year as we swam in the Africa-shaped pool.

We kept planning our laps saying, “Let’s swim from Egypt to South Africa” 

Ha! So much fun.

And little did we know that nearby was a room for a well-respected Kenyan lawyer who’d been attending a conference by the Law Society of Kenya. 

When we finally met each other, she commented on our conversations saying they were so refreshing and that she can relate since we’re right where she was back in her 30s. #CareerGoals
Meanwhile, this whole time they’d been a 30-something year old European guy also swimming in the pool, but in the North Africa side. He’d smile every time we talked, but he literally said not a word.

His parents had been drinking tea or “something strong” nearby at their room patio.

Maybe he was afraid of engaging in a black-woman-circle conversation in front of his parents? 

Hmmm… Interracial connections can be tough though.

And so he kept doing this every day, swimming only when we decided to swim. But neither of us were going to make it easy for him by saying hello first.
But an opportunity presented itself.

As the lawyer and my friend talked, I completely forgot the guy was in the pool and started doing a backstroke to Egypt. But as soon as the ladies saw me, they warned me to stop because I was going to crash into him. 

My friend later on laughed saying that he’d been standing there with a smile on his face just waiting for me to crash into him. 

Maybe it was his chance to finally talk to us in front of his parents with a reason?

Hmmm… we’ll never know.
And still, he kept swimming, smiling, and timing us, but just never gathered the courage to start a genuine conversation with beautiful bold black women just a swim away.
Then came the moment I later went on Instagram to share a photo journal of my trip. 

And the strange private messages from guys came along, “Hae” “But why are you still single?” “Hi” 

And I looked up into the heavens with my hands stretched high and said, “Fix it Jesus!” 

Because I literally can’t entertain empty, demeaning, and shallow conversations like these. 
And I just wondered, Where Are The Gentlemen? 

Those who can gather the courage to respectfully approach women despite what family, social, racial, cultural and religious norms say.

Those who can engage women in deep, meaningful, challenging conversations with growth and not sex being the objective.

Those who can say, “Hello” followed by words that speak life into a woman, not waste her time.
I know Jesus is snapping His fingers to this and will sort me out accordingly.

Jesus is fixing it y’all!
To fellow single women out there, remember to use your singlehood as a platform for growth. Mostly, the kind of growth that helps you learn about yourself and invest in yourself; What do you REALLY want and need out of this life?

Challenge yourself to go out there and get it unapologetically, without settling for less.
#Remember: Talk is always cheap. Watch out for consistent actions, those don’t lie. And I say this after learning from my own share of expensive mistakes that robbed me of my time, investment, confidence, love, and grace as a woman.
The joy of singlehood is the Time to learn, grow, and commit to your standards.

And what better standards than God’s best for you?

You are worth it woman!
Love & Sunshine,

Ayuma.

Yellow Horizon

The raindrops outside my window have never felt so comforting.

Nature’s caress of love, of calm, and rebirth.

Looking through the window, I see a lioness staring back at me.

She’s out there in the rain, with her fur wetted down.

Yet with a smile carved on her face.

Familiar.


Tonight, she doesn’t have to play “super cat” in the wilderness.

Tonight, she can lay quiet and be part of the wild orchestra.


She rests and waits for the morning sun.

To dry her fur, flaunt her spots, and serve her new power.

She can stare into the yellow horizon and roar, “What will I conquer today?”


A new day.

A new chapter.

A new Yellow horizon for a beautiful new roar.


It’s her time!

Always has been.


All isn’t All

All is not All
Oh, how heavy the load of our longings when we make them the responsibility of One.

Oh, how heavy the load of our hope when we make it the responsibility of One.

Oh, how heavy the load of our dreams when we make them the responsibility of One.

Oh, how heavy the load of our deepest of trust when we make it the responsibility of One.

Oh, how heavy the load of our purest of love when we make it the responsibility of One.

One that isn’t ourselves.

One that isn’t God.

One that just can’t make us whole.

One that genuinely can’t be strong enough to carry it all, even if they truly care.

One who deceives us that All they’ve got it All.

All is not All.

Goodbye Seattle


Night’s at bay, and I can hear the moon calling.

As I look outside the cafe window, sipping my coffee.

I wait, looking at the reflection of my yellow dress.


I long for an awakening – a purple moon, a train of shooting stars, and perhaps… a sun popping out of a box of gravity.


But as the evening moon rises, I realise it’s too late.

Your spectacle is over, and I showed up shy of a coffee with you.

I stand up and look back,

All along, I realise, I’d been trapped on the inside, as you danced outside with the one dressed in a green dress.


It’s strange, 

How your towering space needle once marvelled me.

Now, it grieves me to see your silhouette skyline.

A horizon I knew I could never reach.

A moment I never lived out.


I wish, for a moment,

You stopped the rhythm, broke the window and called me to join you in dance.


But the evening moon is calling,

Louder and louder.

And I’ve answered.


Goodbye Seattle.

The beautiful city that was never mine.

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