The Uuuhs and Aaarghs of my life

Mystery of Christmas

A man with a young family.

A woman with a newborn child.

They both fled to Africa.

For the king of the land knew his throne was threatened.

And so he ordered all male babies be killed.

A power cleanse to protect his throne.

And so the parents fled.

To the same land that once held their people as slaves.

But little did they know.

Their temporary discomfort as fleeing parents, was a permanent sacrifice for their freedom, their people, and all mankind.

Glory be to God!

That it took refugee parents protecting their child’s life.

For God’s love to reach and save us all.

Challenge:

Share the love, far and wide.

Everyone’s got something great to offer this world.

Even the refugees.

Merry Christmas!

Love & Sunshine,

Ayuma

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Free from everything you

You knew I was strong.
But you noticed that I did it so naturally that I didn’t notice.
And so you found a way into my sacred place.
Where in your words I saw only truth.
And you built my trust until I was high.
Perhaps too high, to realise what you had been planning.

One day you withdrew it all.
Panicked, I cried for a word from you.
But you only fed me with words to your convenience.

To please you.
To comfort you.
To stroke your ego.
To counsel you.
To cheer you on.
To worship you.

But a little yellow bird flew by my window.
She sang a little song I’d long forgotten.
One that I used to sing, dancing to my own party.
I wanted to sing along with it, but my hands and feet had strings on them.

I needed to do something, before you woke up.
So I found some scissors and cut myself loose.
I bled, but I was free.

From your constant disappointments.
From your lies and excuses.
From making me feel sorry for my own natural magic.
From your downgrading my success.
From your sexual trickery.
From your self-oppressive mind.
From your cowardice.
From everything that is you.

I struggled to walk towards the bird.
Bleeding, but with a smile on my face.
The little bird sang.
Her words healing my wounds and strengthening me.

Suddenly, I realised.
All along, the door had been open.
For me to leave.
Whenever I remembered who I really was.

The strong, magical, loving one who scared you.

Thank God.

I am free.

From everything you.

Listen to Her

If there’s one big piece of advice I can give as a woman to men who’re looking to grow healthy, long-term, and purposeful relationships… it has got to be, “Learn how to listen.”
This is a frustration that often comes up during conversations with quality women that I am so honoured to call my friends, mentors, and business partners.
While the world looks at these women as strong, perfect, successful, and independent. It doesn’t mean that they don’t have any room for love in their lives. Strong women need some good ol strong love too…
Sadly, they’ve witnessed men allowing themselves to fall victim to the classically emasculating picture of masculinity. The picture of a man working so hard to prove his worth to a woman who society considers too empowered.
Yes, you guessed right. It never lasts. Many men try their very best to flex the hyper-masculine muscles – money, control, mansplaining, appearance, dominating conversations, superman, holding back affection, and even triggering jealousy using other women.
Any woman who really knows her worth quite frankly just leaves. Women are natural favour. And it’s not worth witnessing a man break himself apart to appease a societal expectation. Even worse, to contribute to the mess.
Yet one of the best gifts a man could offer a woman is to actually just listen. It is simple yet so priceless.
Many men have been taught to be fixers, performers, and achievers. This is often useful in sports and business.
But when it comes to relationship building, the attitude has to change. It requires collaboration with critical skills like Communication, Empathy, Listening, and even Emotional Intelligence.
This is where “I” is replaced with “us.” A WE attitude.
I know it’s tough.
Especially after years of practice in societies where women aren’t expected to speak up, share their thoughts, or even have anything meaningful to say.
But it can be done.
When a woman wants to talk, stop for a moment, and just simply listen.
In that moment:
She doesn’t want any fixing.
She doesn’t want money.
She doesn’t want superman.
She doesn’t want to argue.
She doesn’t want your opinion.
Maybe. Just maybe, she needs you to love her best in that moment by intentionally listening.
Only then will you know what to do with what she shares with you.
Why is this important?
Because sometimes when a woman is speaking, the very essence of her heart is speaking. She is giving you a key not many get to access. She is showing up in her feminine spirit.
She is connecting you to her most authentic self.
Honour the moment.
Listen to her.

Finding Her Voice

Let her gather among sisters.
Dropping her cape at the door.
Here, she can be in her natural element.

Soft, vulnerable, open and beautifully feminine.

Her feelings, welcome
Her thoughts, unlimited.
Her laugh, as loud as she wants.
Her words, healing.

She’s a young African woman.
Finding herself.
Finding her voice.
One story at a time.

Love is Risky

When it comes to real love, “Conviction and Convenience don’t live on the same block,” as Lisa Nichols would say.

See, when you love someone, you actually give them permission to break your heart.
Are you willing to love, still?

When you love someone, it unearths some deep wounds you never thought you had.
Are you willing to love, still?

When you love someone, it pushes you to be vulnerable with someone with things that literally scare you.
Are you willing to love, still?

When you love someone, you wire your mind to see relationship challenges as opportunities for new lessons as building blocks.
Are you willing to love, still?

When you love someone, you heal by practice. Dangerously loving someone new or anew, without knowing if they’ll stay for life.
Are you willing to love, still?

When you love someone, you hurt in places that dig deep, to build new depths of imperfections from which you could love.
Are you willing to love, still?

You could fly.
You could land on a soft place.
You could fall rock bottom.

But your heart will always grow stronger in it’s capacity to love deeper and fearlessly.

Are you willing to love, still?

Ayuma

I remember being taught sex education (how to have sex) at age 14 in class by three male teachers – Mr. Ngugi, Mr. Njoroge and Mr. Waweru.

Not even one female teacher.

As an A-student and a super geek with a dream career in the world of science, every detail mattered. And so I asked all sorts of questions just as the boys did, but even the teachers made me feel awkward for asking too many questions as a girl.

At some point, I wondered why I was the only girl in class asking questions. Even fellow A-student girls didn’t raise their hands.
Yet the boys kept asking all sorts of questions: “How many ‘holes’ do girls have?” “What happens during sex?” “How do you wear a condom?”

And while in the name of science I needed to know facts, I still had questions to ask that I didn’t think the male teachers could answer:
“Does it hurt?” “When do I know I’m ready?” “What if I’m not, ready? Can I say No?” “Do they know that my body hurts sometimes?”

Looking back, I realise that while the teachers did their best to educate us about sex, it still wasn’t enough. It wasn’t holistic.
And as a girl, I didn’t have a safe space to honestly ask questions about sex.

Soon after, a rape culture began in school, where boys would chase after girls and force themselves. They would pinch, press onto, and grab girls’ body parts. They would penetrate the girls using their fingers. And they would do it in groups.

One boy appointed himself as a referee. As soon as a teacher left class, he called out so the boys could start grabbing onto girls.
The only thing that saved me was that I was not popular and my body had only been developing vertically – height vs curves.

With time, the girls started enjoying it. It made them feel like the boys liked them.
The school caught up too late when they organised a separate platform for girls to talk about sex.

The women teachers who run the platform were strangers to us all girls. The same women who thought we were spoilt, ratchet, and over privileged. How could a girl ask them about sex or even report being harassed?

And so the hypermasculine boys and hyperfeminine girls went on with a new sex culture that was built upon sex education in class.

Today, I saw a news update that 50% of new HIV infections in Kenya are among youth between 15-24 years old.
I’m not surprised by this data, to be honest.

+ Not when school kids are exclusively being taught how to have sex (sex education), and then reactively being taught about sexuality when crisis occurs.

+ Not when girls are still shamed for talking about or even showing interest in sex.

+ Not when women are still being blamed for being raped or sexually harassed.

+ Not when parents expect teachers to introduce their own kids to the world of sex.

+ Not when boys in Mosques are being molested by Imams, girls in Churches are being raped by Pastors, alter boys in Cathedrals are being sodomised by Priests, teenage girls are labelled sluts by older church ladies.

I believe a powerful answer lies in learning from our traditional African sexuality approach (way before the rot and rape of colonization).

We taught sexuality, not just sex.
We taught respecting the human body, emotion, mind, soul, and voice.

Our women could walk half naked, and the men would have self control.
They respected the mother in the woman.
Our men could fight great battles in war, and the women would allow them to cry, to grieve, and show emotion.
Our youth had age sets and age groups where they would journey through life with accountability partners.

But most importantly, there existed active safe spaces for youth to talk about sex without feeling ashamed, isolated, judged or misinformed.

Sex was not taboo, it was a lifestyle.
Sex wasn’t shamed, it was celebrated.
Sex wasn’t a dirty ungodly word, it was a beautiful gift created by God for humankind to enjoy.

Friends, it’s about time we changed the story and conversation about sex.
Let’s talk about sex in a holistic fashion.

Only then can we rediscover the beauty of sex by it’s original design.

Too Woman to Love?


As I write this, my heart is broken.

Broken for I’ve recently recovered from a season where my heart was broken.

Broken as I now to witness yet another good woman’s heart break.

Break with grief after her beloved and family suddenly woke up blind to call her a “bad mother.”

Bad mother? What does that even mean? 

Mean to a woman who carried this child in her womb for 9 months. 

Months of pain, uncertainty, sacrifice, love and hope.

Hope that her baby would be welcomed into a safe haven of love.

Love that has now turned bitter, selfish and cold.

Cold as the prison cell she had to live in, 2 weeks away from her baby.

Her baby who’s now kept away from her embrace.

Embrace that she’s now fighting for in court.

Court that seems to traditionally see her on the losing side.

Side that’s not black, immigrant, nor minority.

Minority because her legal fees are out of this world.

World that would let a mother with a grieving womb fight for the baby she grew in it. 

It is unacceptable.

Unacceptable, yet here we are.

Are you willing to help get back her baby by holding her hand? 

Her hand that desperately longs to hold her baby again.

Again, are you willing?
Donate now to her GoFundMe campaign!

Link: https://www.gofundme.com/help-me-get-ami-back

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